Don't Ask Don't Tell Or In My Case Never Take Of The Mask

My life because of what I believe to be my sexual orientation has become sort of a don’t ask don’t tell or you could say I live my life with a mask. And I am starting to see the absurdity of this all and the strain it puts on someone, so we will see how long I can keep this up. A lot of this is my own fault because I feel so uncomfortable with myself, but it is what I have to do to survive right now. I don’t think I will ever be able to stand up to my family and friends. Sometimes I grow so numb and I believe the whole thing isn’t real. The old me, who has no idea who I really was, comes back for a few moments or hours and says, “Just continue like you did in the past and everything will be fine”. I went to church with a friend of mine for the last two Sundays because I wanted to feel the familiar and I was giving into the voice in my head. I felt strangely like an outsider for the first time and felt like I had some deep hidden secret. This made me feel dishonest and the whole experience was actually pretty depressing. So next week it will be back to the church haven I have found in another denomination (That is totally different than the type of church I was raised in so that is one of the reasons some people find it kind of bizzare. This haven just had 700 churches break off and the publicity of these 700 churches is raising questions and concern from friends. And this is probably why I ran back to an “acceptable” church, because it helps with the whole mask thing.

The Ring of Fire

What an eventful time it has been since my last entry the passage of Proposition 8 (The feelings of alienation and for the first time in my life being a second class citizen are still there, but as my friend J said you just get use to it.). After this horrible realization I was looking forward to the weekend and my swimming class on Saturday morning. This Saturday the wind was strong and unpredictable even creating a current in the pool making swimming more laborious. This would be the day the wildfires would go out of control in Southern California. The class watched as the smoke gradually grew from a nearby city and we all thought the fire would just be put out (This is usually what happens). Driving home I began to realize it wasn’t a normal fire all the hills to the south of the road I drive home on were on fire with car loads of people pulled over to watch this surreal scene. Added to the dream likeness of this event I began to see news vans with satellite dishes. In the next few days friends, co-workers, and acquaintances would be evacuated and some would even lose their homes. The air would become so horrible it would hurt to breathe and the ash raining down was not just the small snow flake like stuff, but was heavy pieces of long black material. Roads and freeways would be shut down brining everything to a standstill. This is probably a little bit over dramatic, but I felt like I was getting a small glimpse of Armageddon. To further this dooms day type atmosphere my perfect niece (excellent student and soccer star) had some type of verbal altercation with another girl (stupid girl stuff) well this other girl has brought in her gang member cousins. So we now fear for my niece and she will most likely go to another school. An incident regarding this matter happened at school this week that resulted in some gang members being expelled and so the situation keeps on intensifying. So I and a lot of other people in California have been preoccupied and are minds have been taken off Proposition 8 which is probably not a good thing. Everything seems out of control lately.

Join The Impact - Look For Protest In Your Area November 15

I believe we have entered a time similiar to Dade County Floriday in 1977. I was a little girl back then, and remember the lady with the beautiful voice. This time I am an adult questioning many things about my own identity and it is getting very hard to do this in the aftermath of Proposition 8 that has created such a huge storm. What a hard and lonely time this whole thing has brought about in this once Golden State.


Look for a protest against Proposition 8 in your area:
http://jointheimpact.wetpaint.com/?t=anon

Melissa Etheridge Is Awasome

No taxation without representation read below the gay and lesbian reaction to Proposition 8:

http://www.marketwatch.com/news/story/Merrill-Lauds-Melissa-Etheridge/story.aspx?guid=%7B411D3C86-B4DD-4647-AA37-63107ED8770B%7D

Two Days After Proposition 8

Well, the sting of Proposition 8 is subsiding. I think the question is now where do we go from here? The hatred of gays and lesbians in this country is unbelievable. No wonder Dick Gephardt feared for his daughter when she told him her orientation. No wonder Lynne Cheney cried because she knew what a hard life her daughter would have becuase of the way she was born.

Melissa Etheridge Makes Best Argument Against Proposition 8

I just love Melissa Etheridge she is so logical and smart (And she is a really nice person). Read below for her statement regarding Proposition 8.

http://www.365gay.com/blog/102908-etheridge-comes-out-against-prop-8/

So we are into day two of a whole group of people being reduced to the status of second class citizens in California. Yesterday was not a good day it was stunning and hurt. But, we have to have faith that God will work everything out.

America Has Come A Long Way!!!!

Although President Elect Obama is to far to the left for my taste (I am a Kennedy Democrat) it shows the country has come a long way. And this in itself will do great things to change the country in a positive direction. I hope he is a great President and lives up to every one's expectations.

What I am not happy about is the possible passage of Proposition 8 in California. I cannot believe people would vote in a Constitution Amendment to eliminate other people's rights. What a sad day and it is not a good feeling waking up knowing that some people are now second class citizens.