Sunday, December 21, 2008

Barack and Rick???

So I don’t know about President-Elect Obama inviting Rick Warren to give the opening prayer at the inauguration. To me it seems pretty inappropriate for the first black president to invite a speaker that another minority group finds so inappropriate (There are other evangelicals he could have invited). I think President-Elect Obama is trying to make some kind of statement by doing this -I think everything he does is well thought out and has a message-and I don’t think this statement is inclusiveness. And President-Elect Obama didn’t mind making this statement at the expense of the LGBT. The whole thing is like pouring salt over open wounds after the passage of Proposition 8. On a brighter side California Attorney General Jerry Brown (and former governor of our wants Golden State) has asked that the California Supreme Court invalidate Proposition 8. Jerry Brown is a politician that wants to see something different and is not afraid to stand up against the crowd he has shown this throughout his entire long political career. Here is his official gubernatorial portrait and it says a lot about him:

On a persoanlly note after the Rick Warren thing it is hard for me to keep my mouth shut and people are starting to wonder what is going on in my head.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Don't Ask Don't Tell Or In My Case Never Take Of The Mask

My life because of what I believe to be my sexual orientation has become sort of a don’t ask don’t tell or you could say I live my life with a mask. And I am starting to see the absurdity of this all and the strain it puts on someone, so we will see how long I can keep this up. A lot of this is my own fault because I feel so uncomfortable with myself, but it is what I have to do to survive right now. I don’t think I will ever be able to stand up to my family and friends. Sometimes I grow so numb and I believe the whole thing isn’t real. The old me, who has no idea who I really was, comes back for a few moments or hours and says, “Just continue like you did in the past and everything will be fine”. I went to church with a friend of mine for the last two Sundays because I wanted to feel the familiar and I was giving into the voice in my head. I felt strangely like an outsider for the first time and felt like I had some deep hidden secret. This made me feel dishonest and the whole experience was actually pretty depressing. So next week it will be back to the church haven I have found in another denomination (That is totally different than the type of church I was raised in so that is one of the reasons some people find it kind of bizzare. This haven just had 700 churches break off and the publicity of these 700 churches is raising questions and concern from friends. And this is probably why I ran back to an “acceptable” church, because it helps with the whole mask thing.